I hear it pretty often when I hear a statement I construe as being racist that it was not meant like that. People mention that if it was not meant to be taken in a certain way then it should not. Well it is like if I accidentally kicked your leg, as much you can understand the behavior was not intentional, the pain is just as real as if I meant it. By not putting the responsibility on the speaker we strip the accountability as well. By ignoring it we allow that behavior to be continue while we resent it within.
While I was working in the early part of my software engineering career there was a woman(in South Africa), who obviously resented the surge of people of color in the company, made bitter comments often that we were all there due to affirmative action. Never mind that we all had degrees and she had none and no engineering experience.
At the other end sometime the words are not racist on their own but the connotations they are used in certainly are. For example (in South Africa) it was pretty common for someone to call an Indian a “coolie” as a form of insult. It was considered the most degrading insult to ever be given. Ironically I later found out that “coolie” just meant porter in India. So although being called “porter” or bag carrier is not insulting it was not meant as such.
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