Of late I have been really worried about raising two beautiful girls who are on the opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of African-American beauty. I worry that my oldest lighter skinned daughter will naturally be accepted as more beautiful than her darker younger sister. It sounds so silly to even think such a thing, I know. But when I look around at the the reality of the huge schism present in the minds of African-Americans and what we consider beautiful, I want to cry.
Long flowing hair that blows in the wind does not come naturally to me or most African-American women I know (there are many amongst us who are bi-racial and may have different hair textures though). Traditionally we are blessed with thick, curly and soft hair that when cared for gently and kindly can be transformed into an infinite number of creative and impressively beautiful styles. However, some of us perceive our hair to be unruly, course, kinky, hard to comb, nappy, bad and generally ugly. We African-American women are so married to the notion of our hair not being good enough in its natural state that we spend billions (about $9 billion according to Chris Rock’s “Good Hair”) each year to relax it and cover it with wigs and weaves. How does this affect our view of ourselves and even more important how does it affect our children’s view of themselves?
There is a lack of self esteem in our community directly tied to our African beauty and it is disturbing. Our collective self perception as African-American people needs some attention. We have to be honest with ourselves about how we really feel about ourselves overall. We must also be really careful not to mistake the popular image of ourselves for who we really are. The European model of beauty does not embrace us. Yet we insist on embracing it, a standard which leaves us bereft and lacking any sense of real attractiveness. Can we ever really attain the European standard of beauty? Should we want to? When are we going to leave the dust from slavery behind and adopt a more self affirming attitude toward ourselves. If not for ourselves, for our children, especially our little girls who are drowning in a sea of messages which tell them they are not enough.
The challenge of addressing our self perception is great and many have already started to heed the call. I encourage women of color to embrace their own culture’s beauty standards and not adopt the European standard. It can lead only to self-hatred.
Links for further consideration:
Lori Tharps – Multicultural Maven and Author of Hair Story
Tyra’s Show on Hair It is 5 parts and while I am not a huge fan, she does a great job of addressing the issue
Afroniquely You Blog all about your Natural hair
Beads Braids and Beyond Blog features African/American and Bi-Racial hair care tips and styles.
Curly Nikki Blog about Curly hair, Transitioning and Natural hair care
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