Both, my daughter and I, have been very blessed over the past 6 years, to be surrounded by individuals who are all heading in the same direction. We live in a relatively safe community of students, with an elementary school in a good district, right in our backyard. This was not the case when I was growing up, so to be able to provide my daughter this kind of security and educational start has left me grateful that I decided to combine being a college student with being a mother. It has not been a walk in the park, but as I was on campus working toward my degree, my daughter was also on campus, enrolled in my school’s Early Childhood Education program, churning out 3 years of Pre-K, learning how to thrive in a classroom setting, and making a diverse group of friends.
Her education and windows of opportunity are extremely important to me. During those Pre-K years, I was in the classroom every week, supporting her and the teachers. There was always a great rapport between the teachers, parents and children. We often had potlucks as part of community building, and we lent our talents introducing our children to the cultures around us. I just LOVED the atmosphere and experience, and gladly, my daughter already feels like those were truly the best years of her life. The transition to grade school went smoothly, but it was definitely a change in the game. Potlucks were now shared with multiple classes, there were more friends to be made, a different set of parent-teacher relations emerged and of course, the initiation into the PTA culture. Exciting, yet a little scary and sometimes intimidating.
Now that my daughter is well into the last half of 1st grade, I have learned a lot about the way things are run in grade school, and just how present parents have to be once their children reach this phase of life. Not only as support to the teachers, but as cheerleaders and advocates for our children. Although I am raising a black girl, I still have to be vigilant when it comes to the treatment of my child within the educational system. Experiences with my daughter’s 1st grade teacher this school year have proven that. Unlike those Pre-K years, and even Kindergarten, I have been less present in the classroom. This is due to a couple of factors: my schedule during last semester and my rapport with the teacher. I honestly despise the woman for her inadvertent judgement of my full-time student status and single parent lifestyle and her eagerness to psychoanalyze my daughter’s strong personality, adventurous spirit, and low tolerance for irritation.
So then, how do I optimize my classroom support when I am facing these challenges? The teacher and I stay in contact through emails and notes, leaving face to face contact on a ‘need’ basis, because… well, I have a low tolerance for her ability of assumption.
How do you approach any challenges to parent-teacher relations involving your children, socio-economic status, race, lifestyle, etc?
Related Posts:
Growing pangs revisited Last week, my daughter pulled a stunt that got me ...
Sweet Tea Tuesdays: Teachers and Mothers It's Teacher Appreciation week and Mother's Day is Sunday, as ...
Dandelions in the summer time breeze If you have little ones, then you know that time ...
Seeing Color Channeling my last Moms of Hue post, I think an ...
Are educators failing our young black men? For those of you that follow my personal blog, you ...
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I think what you’re doing is good, with the emails. That way your interactions with her are plainly documented, so if an issue arises that is more serious than just irritation, then you aren’t stuck in she-said-she-said situation.
Elijah’s first kindergarten experience was like that and he was labeled “a bad kid.” The thing that kept it from total discrimination, I think was the fact that even though I despised his teacher I remained in the classroom and very communicative with him about what was going on there. I let the teacher know that I would support her in anyway that I could, but on the other hand she wasn’t going to get away with treating my kid poorly.
Sometimes children and teachers aren’t a good match, if it’s really bad, then they need to be transferred, if not, then we just hope for a better one next year. Also, a really good thing to do is to ask other parents in the higher grades if they like their kid’s teacher and what they do/don’t like about them. If it doesn’t seem like a good mach for your kid, then you can request for your child to NOT be placed in that classroom with the district the next year.
I think as parents we all have to be vigilant in our child’s public school education because of how the public school system is. It’s still better than when I was in school. My first grade teacher was abusive. She used to pull hair, ears, and slap kids. I hope she’s burning in hell right now.
If Ms. J’s teacher gets really irritating, you can just break her favorite coffee mug
Ah, yes. I’m a big fan of documentation. Thank you for the tips. I think that’s one of the greatest things about living in this community: many of our kids go to the same schools, which makes teacher rating a painless process. I plan to get the 411 on 2nd grade teachers so that I can know what Jalia will be possibly going into.
Can totally relate to being wacked in school. I’ve met a ruler or two in school… so glad that isn’t even a thought these days. And yes, I’ve been keeping count of that chick’s mugs,
I think your approach is on point with someone of her nature. I had the same issue with Jinho in 4th grade with that “thing” he had for 9 months. She was a complete idiot and we had several electronic exchanges. I have always, at the onset of the school year, let Jinho’s teachers know that I value the team effort, and until her, it’d gone extremely well. She was, for lack of a better, word, “challenged”.
I would say that because you have that strained connection with her, to make sure you “check in” with Jalia more often to make sure she is good in her company. You know the “interview” we discussed? Do that every now and then just to make sure that under this woman’s thumb, she is still feeling every bit as healthy and confident as when you sent her to school.
She knows you are no-nonsense so I don’t expect her to be anything but on her toes :=)
Yep, we utilize that interview process on a regular basis. She always has good things to say about the teacher. I think its like another parent pointed out: the particular teacher has great interaction with the kids, but is socially awkward with adults. Plus, she’s new to teaching so I think she is one of those teachers that looks for a “textbook case” in EVERY event that takes place concerning a child. I just hate assumptions, like assuming that my kid is not supported at home, thus displaying “attention seeking behavior” just because she does what all kids will do or have done at some point, which is talk to her neighbors at a time when they are suppose to be listening. How do you get “attention seeking behavior” from that? I’m like, when she starts banging her head against the wall, call me!!
Barbara´s last blog ..Really?
Wow…well I homeschool, so I guess I only need worry about my own personalities (note the pluralization), but I imagine there are many assumptions made in the classroom setting just like any other social setting.
I remember my mom having quite a bit of unnecessary interaction with my own grade school teachers, citing my lack of class participation and inability to work well with others. Perhaps they thought my young, single by choice, shaved head sporting, bra-less hippie momma was the reason for this as well. As it turns out, I’m still pretty much the same only now it has a fancy name; Introversion.
While I understand the need to “run” a classroom in a certain way, it needs only be propitious, not uniform. There will always be different personalities, stronger, weaker, et al…perhaps the teacher need pick up that first year child psych reference. These early years are all about developing a sense of self which in securely attached children we have found can be very deliberately dissimilar to that of their caretakers. It’s called growth and development.
K, so I have your permission to put this on cute note paper and address it to Jalia’s teacher, right?
See, a child can’t win being an introvert or an extrovert.
I think you are absolutely doing the right thing with your emails and notes. This reminded me of my son’s kindergarten and 1st grade teachers. The kindergarten teacher was not as experienced with children like my son and the notes home every day was relentless. I feel like it was my fault that his kindergarten experience was unpleasant. Thank goodness children are more resilient than their parents. His 1st grade experience was worse I think after 3 weeks his teacher had automatically written him off as a “bad” so again it was a tough year. The good thing for me is the fact his principal recognized how bright my son was and she worked to match him up in the next school year with a teacher who was able to work with him. His 2nd grade year was by far a lot better. This year his principal matched him well again in 3rd grade. His teacher and I are in daily communicate via his homework book and emails when necessary. I see a great improvement in his behavior as well as his attitude toward school. Whenever I have some points to raise with his teachers regarding his behavior I cc his guidance counselor and on occasion the principal. In my opinion all involved should be kept in the loop so there is no room for misinterpretation.
Cocoamommy, I am so glad that your son is having a much better experience with school now, and I am extremely happy to know that the principal was on the front lines making sure that he got matched up well.
“Thank goodness children are more resilient than their parents”. You and me both! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!!