The Santa cause

Last year I made up my mind that I’d add Santa Claus to the list. Yes, the list; I’d jot his name down right under religion and politics and there he’d sit forever in conversational purgatory, and then…well, it happened. You’ve heard the adage about great minds, yes? I bet you’re thinking, “great minds think alike” ironically enough, it’s been changed to none other than “great minds are subject to change”. That being said, today I’m going to talk a bit about the dude and his cause.

I am a lifelong supporter of the “Santa Cause”, my parents were supporters, my grandparents were supporters and short of a mischievous childhood friend or two and perhaps an evil cousin this was working for us. Or so I thought when I donned my red hat and took oath to bumble about in the wee hours of Christmas morn whilst (oft-unsuccessfully) trying to recall all the spots I’ve been stealthily securing goodies since the blasted day after Thanksgiving sale. Breathes heavily. It seems now I’ve been told this practice- along with doling meager donations for cute little mottled milk teeth, and hiding eggs at springtime is dishonest and a disservice to my children. Gasps.

You mean I’m doing them a disservice by engaging in benevolent fantasy play, by upholding traditions that have been a source of joy and fond remembrance in our family and many others for centuries? Hmm. I’m not sure I’m buying it. In fact, I can back that up by saying that NOT one of the now adults and parents with whom I shared far from “Cleaver-like” childhood experiences has been adversely affected by the presence of the fat guy, the tooth fairy or the springtime bunny-well, there was that one time I ate too many Peeps, but overall it’s all been a good run.

So, after much rambling, in closing I guess I’d just like to say I confess, “I have lied”. Rises whilst the big guy, the tooth fairy and the spring bunny remain seated. “I am the real Santa Claus, tooth fairy, and the springtime bunny. Wait, before you declare my penance: my kisses, they’re frauds; they have no medicinal properties. I just dole ‘em out, cause well, I like kissing my children’s boo-boos. Oh, and perhaps there are smarter, prettier, more handsome children out there, and that’s a lie too. Mea culpa. Hmmm, oh yeah…that time at the dance recital, I did notice my angel turning in the wrong direction…I guess I should have told her instead of saying I hadn’t noticed and neither did anyone else. Instead, I took the low road and told her she was flawlessly graceful. Hangs head in shame. Not! Laughs. I learned that from the kids. Okay, okay…the real truth is, I’m not sorry at all. I’d do it all over again, and fully intend to, season’s greetings!