Dear Ms. Hawkins,
Woman to woman, abuse survivor to abuse survivor, I am highly disappointed in your comments during the Larry King Live interview regarding your son, Chris Brown and his violent behavior. You echoed his foolishness about thinking the pictures were doctored, and you even thought that he was treated unfairly in the the media. You stupidly went on to state that your son was a victim in all of this. You need to know that your words – your defense of your son – is sickening. And while the abuse that you endured from his step-father is at the root of his behavior, it will be your hands-off parenting approach regarding his behavior that will be responsible for the future beatings that Chris will inflict.
I understand the urge to protect your child. I am a mother too. I understand the need to give him support during this time, but you can support him without defending him. I need you to think back to how you felt when your husband beat you to a pulp. I need you to remember how you felt like it was your fault and how you made excuses for the abuser’s behavior. How you told yourself that you should have made a better dinner, or that you should have worn a better outfit, or that you needed to stop being such a smart mouth. You are Rhianna.
Now think about your son. You are enabling him to continue a cycle of violence that he learned at the hands of his step-father. You are telling him that his youth, his ignorance about love, and his witnessing violent behavior are all responsible for his actions but he himself is not. You failed your son. You have written off his abuse of a woman as a mistake.
Need I remind you that being beaten to the extent that Rihanna was beaten is not something that just happens out of the blue. You say that he has never had a history of violence, but how many times do you think he hit Rhianna before we learned about this? She admitted that he pushed her before but I have a feeling that he has done much more than that. If this was the straw that broke the camels back, then how much straw was that camel carrying before this incident. Let’s not be naive.
Wise up, please. You have the opportunity to teach your son the lessons that he so desperately needs to ensure that he changes his behavior. From one Mom of Hue to another I beg you not to drop the ball. Teach him to take responsibility for his behavior. Teach him to respect women by showing him that you have respect for yourself. He needs a mother, not a friend. He needs guidence, not a publicist.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I didn’t see the interview and haven’t been following the story. What a shame to hear that his mother would choose to go that route rather than say, “what he did was wrong.” I can only surmise it stems from not wanting that admission to turn into a discussion of her parenting.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Numero Water Boutique in Littlle Italy [Whrrl]
Thanks for commenting. I agree with you. I have said this before but so many parents are busy fighting the wrong battles. Her parenting skills will be scrutinized more if she continues to put him on a pedestal.
I couldn’t agree more!
Thank you very much!
Thank you for writing this. I have been trying to come up with the words to say about this entire incident and you pretty much said it all.
Thank you!
***You need to know that your words – your defense of your son – is sickening. ***
tanyetta´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday!
Our minds are so connected! LOL. I just wish his mother could see it too. Thanks for commenting.
Its just all so interesting and sad. I am soooo tired of the “I’m young” speech that comes out of his mouth whenever he is asked to talk about what happened. He definitely needs better guidance from everyone around him because it seems that he still isn’t taking full responsibility for it all. I mean, the whole “young” speech was coming from everyone who was asked about it. “They’re young, they’re young”, well so what!! There is no age on abuse and ignorance!
What his mom had to say in this interview really was interesting. Thanks for speaking on it.
Barbara what irks me about the situation the most is that he has a lawyer who is paid to defend him and all the idiots around him can say what he wants but his mother should be his rock- his moral foundation. And you are so right about the “Young” speech… it is nto an excuse. He is 20 at that. 20 year olds are more than capable of know that you “don’t bite your friends”. I mean Yo Gabba Gabba even teaches that to 3 year olds. It’s just insane.
Anyway, thanks for commenting.
I stopped following this story a while ago because what I’ve noticed is that both camps have handled this situation in ways that seemed irresponsible. I’m not really sure if it’s because both of these young people have careers that finance the lives of their families. Rihanna’s camp seemed to continually push her into the limelight and nightlife scene like she did not experience a trauma, and Chris’ camp seemed to go into denial and excuse mode. I don’t like any of it. Truth is they are both young, and they have both made some mistakes here. I think the “save the career” mentality has prevented each of them from healing and growing.
Jewelry Rockstar´s last blog ..WII Era Reproduction Poster 13 x 19 “Keep Brains and Beauty On” Giveaway
Thank you for commenting. Mistakes were made but the mistakes began after a beating that I refuse to label a normal youth error in judgment. However, you are right- the way their people handled the situation is definitely a lesson in denial. It is all very sad and I hope that one day they will all wise up.
Kristnia Brooke´s last blog ..Poor Customer Service and The Power of Social Media
Very well written!!
I applaude and thank you.
Than k you Selena and thank you for commenting.
Kristnia Brooke´s last blog ..Poor Customer Service and The Power of Social Media
The thing about “normal youth error in judgement” is that is can range depending on what the child has been exposed to. If the worst a child has been exposed to is say witnessing parents abuse credit cards or money, then that is probably where they will make their mistakes. If a child has been exposed to murder, that child might make the mistake of murdering. If the child has seen drug use, then drug use may be the result. Sometimes it’s prejudice, haughtiness, lying, stealing, etc. In Chris’ case and maybe even Rihanna’s, they were exposed to domestic violence and he made the mistake committing it and she may made the mistake of allowing it more than once (so reports say).
The degree of the mistake that a youth mistakes can have an impact on their whole life, however I am not of the belief that is should. I believe, like you, that the parent or adults in the child’s life should step in to promote healing and growth. It hasn’t happened as far as we can see, and as a result both parties may experience this situation again in other relationships.
When I think back to being their age, I can remember some terrible mistakes I made and some terrible things that happened to me because of the mistakes of other youths. I am so thankful that I and they had the space to grow, and did not have to bear the added pressure of being scrutinized by the watchful eye of the public.
Jewelry Rockstar´s last blog ..WII Era Reproduction Poster 13 x 19 “Keep Brains and Beauty On” Giveaway
Well written and thoughtfully expressed. I am fairly oblivious to the whole Chris Brown/Rhianna debacle-by choice. The who’s right, who’s wrong, who started it mentality shown by the media and each party’s supporters is insulting at the very least. This is a textbook case of the cycle of abuse. It would behoove ALL of them to hire therapists in lieu of attorneys, lest they need coroners.
t. allen-mercado´s last blog ..Einstein Didn’t Sew!
You are so, so right. I am just sickened by this. Perhaps if he hadn’t been raised by a mother with the “My angel couldn’t possibly have done that, you must have misunderstood the situation” attitude, this might not have happened. The least he can do is take responsibility for his actions and allowing his mother to coddle and shelter him publicly, while essentially calling Rhianna a liar for not covering her little boys ass by declaring the pictures were doctored, was skirting that responsibility. He’s a victim? So what, its Rhiannas fault that your son choked her until she blacked out? You’re right Mrs. Brown… She chose to have a mind and speak it, how dare she. Unthinkable, she was clearly begging to be put in line.