I’m sure I will get flack, from some, but I must go here…
A few years ago, there was an “Oprah after the show” series on Oxygen, that continued beyond the 4:00 time slot. I didn’t catch many episodes, but on a particular night, I remember watching speechless as Oprah began doting on a Caucasian woman that was part of her panel. She started in on how “nice” her hair was (straight) and continuing on about how “difficult” our hair is and how fortunate this woman was because she didn’t have to endure this difficulty (the washing, the pressing, the curling, I recall her saying). Along with that, she started in on how pretty this woman’s eyes were, and how blessed she was that she could “match [her] clothes against them”.
Fast forward to yesterday’s episode. Oprah’s guest was the “most beautiful woman in the world”, Aishwarya, a bollywood actress.
No doubt, she is a beautiful woman. Early on, it was evident, that Oprah was taken aback by Ash, as she is affectionately called, in the media. At one point during the show, Oprah says, “I mean look at those eyes…have you ever seen eyes like that…they’re gorgeous…I can see why you’re the most beautiful woman in the world?”
This is not to say that it’s wrong to complement women of other races, nationalities, etc…beauty is beauty. However, when you have Dove as one of your main sponsors, and whose campaign slogan is: “Redefining Beauty”, and whose sole focus lies with “building self-esteem”, and “freeing ourselves and the next generation from beauty stereotypes”, you would think she’d be a bit more careful, even thoughtful. I guess that is not to be, for Oprah openly conforms to what society’s so-called standards of beauty are by her actions.
How is she to later convince a young black girl, say one of the girls from her school in Africa, of her own beauty, when what she obviously sees as beauty, looks nothing like that young girl? How exactly does that work?
Yes, a part of this stems from bad childhood memories. You see, I had a friend (and I use the term lightly) that felt it her duty to condition me with “if you were just a little bit lighter, you would be so pretty”. Or, her other infamous quote “I love the shape of your eyes, but if they were lighter, you would be so pretty”. Basically, I needed lighter skin and colored eyes to be pretty. I had neither the light skin, nor the colored eyes…hmmm, does that make me unpretty? Go figure…
They say that “Every mother has the power to make her daughter feel beautiful”, but how long does that stick when you enter the “real world” and see that the standards of beauty, strongly contrast what you see in the mirror?
Am I putting too much on this? I don’t think so, but please do share your thoughts…
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Oprah is always just a tad out-of-touch. I have grown up watching her, though, so perhaps I should be watching her with a more critical eye. But I have to say that you make an excellent point about the Dove sponsorship and how Oprah is contradicting their message (and putting obstacles in their mission to show diverse images of beauty).
I’m sorry your “friend” made those comments to you. It sounds like there is still a place where that might hurt a little. I was SO moved by your comment: “They say that “Every mother has the power to make her daughter feel beautiful”, but how long does that stick when you enter the “real world” and see that the standards of beauty, strongly contrast what you see in the mirror?” Powerful.
I have an Indian friend who also takes issue with Aishwarya being called the most beautiful woman in India, because she is the antithesis of most Indian women, who are shorter and rounder with darker skin, darker eyes, darker body hair.
When I started teaching in the Bronx, my students would steal touches of my hair whenever I wore it down. One day, I demanded an explanation. Was it some kind of dare?
A boy sighed at my cluelessness: “You’ve got The Good Hair, Ms. Kiley.” Then my students explained “The Good Hair” to me. As a white woman from the rural Midwest, I’d never heard of such a thing, and I was aghast.
I told them that, as a girl, I desperately wanted to wear my hair like Rudy from The Cosby Show, in puffy twists, but my hair was too fine to ever achieve it, no matter how hard I tried. I think Afros, naturals, braids, twists are beautiful. I love my hair, but I love their hair, too. When I explained that to my students, they shook their heads at me, like I just didn’t get it.
Some of my college students tell me they grapple with it. Will wearing their hair “natural” cost them jobs? Will the opposite sex find them less attractive? Will other black women feel threatened, because it makes them wonder about their motivation to use relaxers?
I think mothers do have the power to make their daughters feel beautiful, but it only lasts in the face of real world standards if mothers truly find THEMSELVES beautiful. If we can’t find the beauty in ourselves, how are our daughters supposed to find it in themselves?
Thanks for writing such a great, intriguing post.
Its so unfortunate that you had someone in your inner circle that would tell you such a thing. I am very glad that she is no longer a source of “beauty advice” because obviously she was misinformed, lol. Ignorance can spread like wildfire and can have very lasting effects.
I just don’t know about Oprah. I feel the same way about Tyra. Sometimes it seems like they miss the mark in certain areas, and then again, maybe its just in certain contexts. The messages we send to those who look up to us are so important. While being representative of everyone, we still have to be representative of those who see themselves within us.
Barbara´s last blog ..UC Walkout and Teach-In
Oh Oprah! What can you say? She’s always saying something off. Today she had Chris Rock on her show and she said Black women have bad hair weeks or some foolishness like that.
She constantly fawns over whoever she wants, and ignores or bashes those she doesn’t like. Case in point Jay-z vs Ludacris.
I too have a friend from South India who isn’t happy with how Bollywood actresses represent a more European looking woman.
Love’s Gumbo´s last blog ..Tough Love for Ladies! Let’s Empower Ourselves
Oprah is so chameleonesque! I gave up on her and her ever-changing “colors” long ago. When I look at Oprah, in one vein I see this powerhouse success story and then I really look, and I see a woman so eager to please, conform and meld with the masses that I think she may as well be seated in the audience. It makes you wonder if her voice has been allowed to carry so long because she really isn’t saying anything we haven’t already heard.
I had a very healthy self-image growing up (too healthy some might say). I can’t agree with you more, if there was one thing I could put above all the gifts my mother gave me, I would have to say it’s the gift of self love, even during those “bad hair weeks”!
Great post!
t.allen-mercado´s last blog ..Pretty in Peace: Behind The Scenes
This is such an interesting discussion. I am not a woman of color, but the stereotypes you discuss are ones that have plagued all women for years.
When I was growing up in the 1970′s the standard of beauty was straight blond hair, blue eyes and a little, turned up nose. As a frizzy haired, Italian American girl, I felt very insecure and far removed from anything considered beautiful.
Back then, the only faces on beauty magazines were those of Cheryl Tiegs and other blonde-haired, blue eyed models. I remember trying every kind of chemical straightener, just to get my hair to look like the models and begging my parents for plastic surgery.
Thankfully, today, we see images of various forms of beauty reflected on magazines, perhaps not as diverse as should be, but a bit better.
With age, I think we learn that finding our own strength and becoming a woman of confidence is the most beautiful standard of all.
Spot on sister! I am an Indian (well somewhat) but it irks me that Aishwarya is deemed pretty because she does not have the regular features of the typical Indian. She is such a far cry from identifying with the masses and people wonder why we don’t fall all over her like the rest of the world.
As for Oprah, I love her but if women held in power don’t use that power wisely but is the importance of it?
Mommy Niri´s last blog ..Robin Miller Introduces Euro-Pro’s Ninja Kitchen Master Prep!
Well I adore Oprah but she is not the authority on everything, least of all beauty and here is why I say this. I am gorgeous. I don’t say that lightly. I am shaped like Oprah round hips ample behind (men smile at me when I am coming and holla when I am going) and I wear my hair natural. Sometimes in braids or twits or just out in a ‘fro. Most times I have my fro pushed back.
I remember graduating back in ’95 (shhh don’t tell anyone!) and I went on a interview all dressed in my Jones of NY suit and my pumps and locks down my back. I was called into the recruiters office and she instantly sighed heavy. Please have a seat she said sternly, and then said “Why are you here”? “To interview for the position with a NYC basketball sports team’s marketing department”, I said.
That is when this brown haired slightly graying middle aged woman went in on me. “How dare you saunter into my office for a professional position in the corporate sector with your beautiful long hair hanging down!” Ehh? what did she just say? Big lesson, it wasn’t that my hair was natural, it was that it did not conform to the “corporate code”. It needed to be up.
I later landed a job in a reinsurance investment boutique. Quite hard to secure these positions as they usually go pretty blondes. I was paid VERY well and learned tons. My hair was still natural but I wore it up for the interview and I knew it would not be an issue for anyone I would want to work for.
Just 2 or 3 cents….
adiaha´s last blog ..Tirade
I have ADD for adults I clearly see where I was developing an idea nd then just stopped….
Am I stressed?
adiaha´s last blog ..Tirade
Adiaha! You are a MESS!!!
When I got to your 2nd comment, I was cracking up. “I have ADD for adults I clearly see where I was developing an idea nd then just stopped….” I have it TOO!!! I would [LOL], but in my case, it is really not a laughing matter because I really go to the left sometimes. And when people are talking to me, gurrrrl, forget about it. I completely understand.
I’m tripping right now off the lady asking about your hair, but not at all surprised. It’s a trip how there is an entire etiquette that goes with ‘Corporate America’ and so much to keep up with – entirely why I don’t miss it…even for one minute. Yes, every now and again, I think about the $$$, but when I venture on over to all the other political B.S., it brings me quickly back to reality. But come on! You were “suited and booted”, but since your hair was down, it was an issue. I guess you never needed the resume only the other part of the ensemble…your hair down. Wow.
As for Oprah, I don’t know what point you were going to make with her, but I’m still laughing so “no worries” because I really needed that. You are so very loved.
Hope all is well and that you are not too stressed. So many hugs and kisses
Peace,
Traci
Traci´s last blog ..Remind me again…"What is an 8-hour [Work] Day?"
Thanks… Still one more outstanding admittance, it’s truly the reason all of came back to the website time and again!
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