With the addition of yet ANOTHER show and season of entertainment foolishness a man’s stint with love via reality, which will ultimately put a group of women against each other, the folks at ESSENCE magazine aren’t the only ones still dazed about the state of black sisterhood. I still have a hard time understanding why “sisterhood” is so enmeshed with competitiveness, judgment and flat out bitterness; instead of support, shared admiration and collective love that exists beyond conditions. This isn’t an impossibility, is it?
What have your sisterhood experiences been like? Let’s talk.
image credit: “Comfort We Share” by Chidi Okoye
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmmm, well, as much as I’d like to say my experiences have been wonderful and full of uplifting and support, this is not the case. I’ve never had many female friends, as a rule; quality trumps quantity, but I’ve been fortunate to have some close relationships through the years and subsequently through rough times. What I’ve found though, is that I am easily overwhelmed by the competitive edge; from lovers to labor tales, women are out to one-up each other. And, the competitions that aren’t egregious are even more assaultive, gossip and adultery. Part of me feels this is encouraged by reality TV, soap operas and the like. It’s apparent even in children’s television as an acceptable norm. I don’t have the answers as to how we can become more loving and supportive of one another, other than leading by example. That, and I have a button that reads, “Girl hate is not cool”. Thought provoking post.
t. allen-mercado´s last blog ..This Art-filled Life
Leading by example is a very good start. You are on to something when speaking about reality tv culture. As viewers, we rise up in cheers at the onset of a catfight, picking sides and saying what we would have done had it been us. We rarely ever question why this type of behavior is even on display. We see the cut throat interactions on a daily basis and sometimes it becomes a case of monkey see, monkey do…
In my experience, I often find it easier to navigate sisterhood when the sisters are not black. Not saying that I don’t seek out or befriend black women, but what I am saying is that I feel less judged upon first interaction with women who are not black. Sometimes, “we” just have a little too much attitude. We need to let our guards down when it comes to interactions with other women.
Barbara´s last blog ..Its Been Ignited
In my junior high school and high school years I had rough and rocky friendships with women. As I became older I realized that I just didn’t have to take a messy friendship anymore. I form supportive bonds with women now, but if ever I see the drama, competition, etc. I back off immediately. I just don’t have room in my life for that. One thing though, I find that the more I see beauty in other women, they see beauty in me.
Love’s Gumbo´s last blog ..Tips for Learning How to Apply Makeup
I love this post, B. It is something I have thought about so many times over the years. Like T. Allen-Mercado, I have never really had lots of female friends. It’s actually something that I have always wanted, but steer clear of because I have been in the midst of mess so many times – but at the hands of others.
I have had 3 women in my life that just stopped speaking without so much as a word and these were women that I’d been there for numerous amounts of time. Not a single word. It was very hurtful and I realized that I am always the one giving my ALL to the relationship, when they really never gave much at all. Did I consider them girlfriends? Yes. Did I even refer to one of them as my sister? Yes.
None of it has deterred me from forming friendships with other women, I just tread carefully and have a wall that I carry with me along the way.
I am a very loyal friend to all that deserve it, but for some reason, while it may begin that way, it certainly doesn’t end that way. What seems unfortunate is when other sisters join the “group” by way of another one and before long, there is talking behind each others’ back as though any more than 2 is a crowd.
Sisterhood can be a beautiful thing because these are women that can become the sisters we never had, another sister added into the mix, or simply the friend we never had and nothing negative should come from that. It is a bonding that a lot of us are missing.
I don’t think it’s an impossibility, but I do think that we need to learn the art, as well as importance of those unions.
Traci ´s last blog .."Friends"…For Real?
Not an impossibility, but a reality, and more importantly, only one facet of sisterhood. The fact that media choose to embrace the more “rating enhancing” element is no surprise. Much like any other thing to which we are exposed, we have to look at the source, the intent, and the truth behind the matter. Sisterhood is a beautiful thing, and for the few shows that promote bitterness and straight “hatin’”, there are many of us in real situations with sister-friends whom we love, adore, and uplift.
I actually have a great group of sister friends. The majority of these relationships developed while I was in college. Like all relationships they ebb and flow but my core group of girls can call me at any time of the day and even if we haven’t spoken in months or even years I will drop everything to do whatever is asked of me.
In addition to my decade long friendships I have new friendships that have blossomed over the past year and I highly value them too.
I have never hung around people interested in being divisive or tearing each other down. I know I am blessed in the friendship department.
I would like to say to all my sista’s that we are all strong and we all have something to offer, let us all learn to embrace each other more affectionately and tenderly and with an open mind to be more understanding of each other. I too have only one best friend of 20 years, love her to death, but there are so many more sista’s out here that I don’t give a chance based on other bade experiences. Peace and love to you all.
I think women period have a very jealous nature whether it be black or white. I’ve never really had much girl friends as an adult, but as a child i had alot of beautiful relationships with other girls. As a child life was so much more simple but once boys came into play friendships sure changed. The competion started. The green eyed monster took over on alot of my sisterfriends and I had to break down my circle to a very few.(two) Gossip played a very big part of the whole issue of distrust. Now as an adult I still carry that watchful eye and really do not extend myself to making new girlfriends. Drama is not my motivation in life. But i do give out commpliments and horrays to any women that is doing her thing white, black, hispanic or purple.